The New Vincent
by Cup of Joe
Summary: Imagine if Vincent was...well... different. Read this to find out. *Final chapter is in!*
1. The Encounter

The New Vincent   
Chapter I: The Encounter  
  
+Scene opens as Red XIII walks into the bar at Kalm (just pretend, okay?), there he sees someone (familiar) sitting at the table. He walks over to the man and tries to identify him, but why strain your eyes when you can just ask?+  
  
Red: Hey, do I know you?  
  
The seat spins around and Red's eyes gape wide open. There, sitting in the spinny-seat-thingy was a man, wearing a tye-dye T-Shirt, and cut off shorts, sandals and sunglasses, and a peace medallion. His skin is pale, it truly shows that he doesn't get in the sun much (duh). His hair is the worst part though. It is a mohawk on the top, and as it goes down it becomes a long ponytail.  
It's… duh, Vincent. *note title*  
  
Vincent: Hey dude.  
  
Red: What… how the… who… mom… what?? Vincent is that… you?????!  
  
Vincent: Vincent? Du~de that is SOO two minutes ago. It's Vince man…   
  
Red: Vince? Agh. *seems to choke* Are you high or something?  
  
Vince: High? No, no daddy-o. Not high. I'm just chillin out dude. Hey, want a Pina Colada?  
  
Red: AAAAHH!! *runs for his sanity*  
  
Later at uh… um… Airship… yeah, that's it!  
  
Red: Guys! I saw Vince… I mean Vincent at a bar, and he's a…  
  
Yuffie: A what?  
  
Tifa: A stripper?  
  
Cait Sith: A hippopotamus?  
  
Cloud: A cheap imitation of George Clooney??  
  
Red: No, no, and eww, no. He's a… hippie.  
  
All: *gasp*   
  
Cait Sith: I was close, geez.  
  
Red: You have to witness this, I'm serious, it's… it's…  
  
Yuffie: Hurry, take him to the hospital before he goes into cardiac arrest!  
  
Cid: Okay, let's drive to Cosmo Canyon and dump him off the edge. Heh, heh.  
Tifa: That's not nice Cid!  
  
Cid: It's not supposed to be.  
  
Tifa: Oh okay then.  
  
Red: *passes out*  
  
Aeris: *still alive, but in a deep sleep because she doesn't appear until the 2nd chapter*  
  
Barret: I'm not gonna believe this whole Vincent case 'til I see it!  
  
Barret, Cid, Tifa, and Cait all enter the bar.  
  
Vince: Hey dudes.  
  
Cid: Get a *beep*'n hold of your *beep*'n *beep* 'cause we're gonna *beep*'n beat the *beep* outta your *beep*'n *beep*. Geez.  
  
Tifa: AAAHH! *dies, due to such course language*  
  
+We interrupt this program, this fan-fic is now rated NC-17, so little Billy and Sue, go home, and give Scruffy a walk. Grandpa should go too, you know about his heart conditions. Now, back to the fan-fic+  
  
Vince: Dude, calm your anger. Spiritualize with me, my amigo. Be one with the flamingo.  
  
Cid: What the *beep*'n *beep* are you trying to *beep* up Valentine?  
  
Vince: Calm your anger. Oooum. Oooum. Chant with me. Oooum.  
  
Cid: Oom. What's the big deal? It's just a bunch of *beep*'n nonsense!  
  
Vince: The flamingo… the flamingo.  
  
Cait: Is this kid friendly?  
  
Barret: No, but it doesn't matter, the kids are gone anyway.  
  
Cait: Oh yeah. ? 


	2. The Persuasion

Chapter II: The Persuasion  
  
+When we last left Vince and the others, Vince was trying to convince Cid into meditating to calm his temper, but Cid wasn't cooperating. Let's hope things don't get too twisted…+  
  
Vince: Calm your mind… Let the wind be your guide…  
  
Cid: I'm not gonna follow no *beep*'n wind!  
  
Two hours later…  
  
Cloud: I wonder if they're okay…  
  
Aeris: Yeah, I know. They've been gone ever since I woke up.  
  
Yuffie: Yeah, but you woke up 5 min. ago!  
  
Red: *still dizzied from his unconsciousness* We have to find out!  
  
Cloud, Yuffie, Red XIII, and Aeris enter the bar and find their five allies sitting at a bar table. One of them spins around, it's Cid.  
  
Yuffie: AAAHH! Cid, you're…  
  
Cid: Yeah, I know dudette! Why don't you join our club and we'll all talk about world peace!  
  
Cloud: That's not you Cid! And you're not smoking! And you're not cussing! What's the world coming too! NOOOOOOOOOOOO *breathe* OOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Vince: *spins around in chair* Yeah, dudes. I got all these other hip rockers to be one with the flamingo, like me.  
  
Aeris: Flamingo?! One with the flamingo? I'd say you're one with the toilet seat.  
  
Vince: I since anger in you. Try being one with the flamingo.  
  
All the other seats spin around and the other three former sane-people look at them.  
  
Cait: Yes. We will change you, you will be a new you…  
  
Cloud: No, I don't wanna be a new you… I mean… me… I mean… uh… Aeris, what am I?  
  
Aeris: You're you, Cloud!  
  
Cloud: Okay, so I guess I'm you.  
  
Aeris: No, Cloud, you're you!  
  
Cloud: Isn't that what I said? I said "I'm you!"  
Vince: Woah, dude. Settle down. When you join the land of the peaceful, there is no confusion, no mumbo-jumbo to clutter your mind.  
  
Yuffie: Okay! That's it! I've had it with you're goody-goody ways! It's makin' me barf, and I've had enough! Turn everyone back, or I swear Vincent, I'm gonna beat you're head off with my own two fists.  
  
Tifa: No. Violence is not the answer, the answer is meditation.  
  
Yuffie: That's it! I'm gonna smash you're head in! ? 


	3. The Resolution

Chapter III: The Resolution  
  
+In the last chapter, Yuffie has threatened to beat the living crap out of Vincent and the others. Will it help? Or will Cloud, Red, Yuffie and Aeris be turned into bell-bottom wearing, 70's music listening, smooth talking hippies?+  
  
Yuffie: Grrrr. Here I come Vincent!!   
  
Yuffie charges at Vincent with her fists swinging, and her eyes an evil red.  
  
Vince: No dudette, don't fight, it's not the…  
  
BOOF!  
  
Yuffie: Take this, and that, and some of this! *beats the crap out of Vincent*  
  
Cloud: Yay! Go Yuffie!  
  
Aeris: Cloud!  
  
Cloud: But… Aeris… I always love to watch wrestling on Tuesdays.  
  
Aeris: But, it's Thursday!  
  
Cloud: Oh well.  
  
Vince: *after his beating* Oh ho… My head hurts…  
  
Yuffie: Yeah! Boom-chaka-laka!  
  
Vincent: What…? Where am I?   
  
Red: He's…he's… normal again!  
  
Vincent: Ack! I'm exposed!  
  
Vincent morphs into Chaos and soars out the window  
  
Aeris: Well, I'm glad that's over with, but what about the others?!  
  
Due to Vincent's removal, the brainwashing energy he emitted had worn off, and all the characters come to their senses.  
  
Tifa: Whoa. Where am I?  
  
Cid: Holy *beep*! I'm *beep*'n gonna beat the *beep*'n *beep* outta that *beep* hole! Wait   
'til I get my *beep*'n hands on that *beep*'n *beep*! Why I'll…  
  
At airship…  
Tifa: Thanks for helping us out back there Yuffie. We always underestimated you.  
  
Yuffie: Oh, no need to thank me. Then again, all you're materia would do nicely!  
  
All: NO!  
  
Yuffie: Fine, no gratitude for the poor little girl who saved your lives. I guess it doesn't matter that I saved y'all. I could've just let you all be hippies ever after. Then you would've lived your stupid, pointless lives as peace-loving 70's maniacs!  
  
All: NO!  
  
Yuffie: Okay. *skips off* La lala la la!  
  
Cloud: Does anyone know where Cid went?  
  
Cait: Oh, I just tied and gagged him to the side of airship. Maybe if we're lucky he'll blow away.  
  
Aeris: Oh! Look at the time! I've gotta go to the Forgotten Capital and get impaled by Sephiroth. Bye everyone! Oh, look in the church in Midgar and you'll see my ghost in the flowers!   
  
Cloud: Okay, bye Aeris! Write to us!  
  
Vincent flies onto the airship as Chaos and then changes to his original self.  
  
Vincent: Thanks, Yuffie. Those are two words I never thought I'd use together.  
  
Yuffie: Oh, Vincent! That's okay. Just doing my job.  
  
Vincent: No, you can't have my materia.  
  
Yuffie: Oh, darn.  
  
THE END 


End file.
